The New Reformed Universal
Church of the Reality Deviant
(NRUCRD)

Covenant #4: Holy Texts

Of Bilbo and the UVL

And it came to pass that the UVL did send a messenger unto the prophet in the form of an Angel of Inspiration, saying "Blessed art thou, worthy prophet, for truly the UVL hath chosen thee to perform a mighty task in service unto the UVL. Harken unto these words and heed them, knowing that this is thy task.

"Thou shalt take up thy quill and thou shalt create a wonder. Verily, thou shalt create an epic story of monumental truth, presented unto the people and unto the UVL, in the manner of a fantastic epic that it shall be revered for generation unto generation. And this shall be the form of the epic story; it shall be a story of Good and Evil, of Friendship and Fearsome Foes, of Magic and Monsters, of Heroes and Heartbreak. Thou shalt include Dragons and Dwarves, Elves and Wizards. The Big People and the Wee Folk shall be a part of this epic. Thou shalt make fanciful languages and wonderous maps. And Magic shall flavor all the words thereof.

"For it is through such a tale of fantastic metaphor that the UVL has chosen thee to represent the Universal Truth, yea, even that Truth that doth abide within all things. And these things shall be written that the people may understand the Universal Truth and be better able to apply this Truth in their daily lives, enriching them, as if by the very Magic of this epic tale."

And the prophet did as so instructed, and did create the Wonderous Epic and did present the Story in the form of a series of books unto the Grouches. And the Grouches did look upon the Story and did say unto themselves, "Dragons? Elves? Yeah, right." And did set the story aside mockingly, for they did not understand and the Beautiful Metaphors were lost upon them. And the Grouches went back to watching re-runs of "Buffy" and "Charmed" and were glad.

And so the prophet did deign to present the Story in the form of a motion picture, that the Grouches might receive the Universal Truth in the form of the Eye Candy of which they had grown accustomed. And the prophet did present the Motion Picture unto the Grouches and they did eat of the Eye Candy. Yea, verily, messily did the Grouches devour the Eye Candy, such that the Universal Truth was glanced over and missed entirely.

And the prophet, the Angel of Inspiration, and the UVL Itself, did shrug as one and say "Oh well. It was worth a shot."