The New Reformed Universal
Church of the Reality Deviant
(NRUCRD)

We believe it is important to observe Communion with the UVL and our fellow grouches.

"And it came to pass that the prophet did go up to the Temple of Starbucks, for to worship the UVL. For many hours in prayer and meditation did the prophet reach out to the UVL, but was not heard. And the prophet did cry out in a loud voice saying ‘Oh woe is me! Why, oh why, hast thou forsaken me!’ And as it is written, the messenger of the UVL did then appear unto the prophet in the form of an Angel of Starbucks, saying ‘You must now leave this place for it is closing. Verily, it is for the best since that is not your first Triple Tall Wet Breve’ Mocha-ccino with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles, neither is it your second. I say unto you that this is your sixth, and that if thou continuest, thy visions will become unseemly. And so I say unto you, take ye up thy Triple Tall Wet Breve’ Mocha-ccino with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles and go ye out into the world, amongst thy fellow beings and commune with them and they with you and the UVL will be with you always.’ "

And so it is that within the NRUCRD, when we share Communion amongst ourselves and the UVL, we have our Triple Tall Wet Breve’ Mocha-ccino with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles. (Now, if we could just figure out a way to work that Triple Chocolate Layer Cake into the ceremony ...)

"And the people did come before the prophet, in a loud voice saying ‘What, are you NUTS? Four bucks for what is basically a cup of COFFEE?’ which is only right and proper for Grouches, and, verily, the UVL expects this. And the UVL did send a messenger in the form of an Angel of Peace and Light. And the Angel spake unto the people saying ‘Know ye that Grouchiness is of the UVL, and it is in this spirit that I am sent unto you, such that the Universal Truth of this matter may be known to all the people.’

And the Grouches did rise up against the Angel of Peace and Light and did beat the Holy Crap out of the Angel for presuming to tell them what the Universal Truth really is. And, lo, out of the Angel’s wounds did flow the purest of Water, and of Fire, and of Earth, and of Air. And these Elements did swirl about the Angel and the UVL did partake in Spirit, to combine the Elements into the Universal Truth, to be shared by the Grouches during Communion with the UVL and with each other. And, lo, each Grouch did find something in the Universal Truth, each within his/her own nature, with which to Commune with the UVL and with each other.

And to some, they did find Raven, and to some, they did find Wolf, and to some, they did find Trees, and to some, they did find Crystals, and to some, they did find Toaster Oven, and to some, they did find Triple Tall Wet Breve’ Mocha-ccino with Whipped Cream and Chocolate Sprinkles; and many others, each unto their own nature. And the Grouches did look upon these things and saw that they were good and did rejoice in their Communion, one with another and with the UVL."